Summertime Sadness

Remember when you were a kid and all you wanted to do was be an adult? You wanted to have a job (so you could buy all the candy your heart desires), you wanted to have a car (so you can go to your friends house and stay out past curfew), you wanted to wear make up and high heels. Now, as an adult, I get to do all of those things, but they’re really not all they’re cracked up to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love earning a living for myself and using that money to buy all the candy my heart desires (did I mention I have a sweet tooth?), but you lose a quality in yourself that you’ll never get back as you grow older. I think thats where nostalgia sets in, when you look back on your early years and realize that you lost something in yourself- something intangible that you just can’t explain. I guess those feelings have to go away to make room for new, adult ones which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s like losing a childhood friend, one that was never good for you and you know its for the best but you can’t help but look back and feel a little sad even though you’re surrounded by your awesome, new adult friends.

Something about the Summer always conjures up these feelings in me. I can’t help but look back on my summers as a kid, when all I got was 12 weeks of school-free bliss. Those 12 weeks felt like an eternity spent riding bikes, buying ice cream cones and just being a kid. Now i’m lucky if I can get in a run in the outdoors, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I love my life, I love being busy and working towards securing a successful future for myself in a field that I’m passionate about, but sometimes you just feel a little…nostalgic. If I can go back in time and give my younger self a message, it would be to slow down a bit and enjoy every possible second. Now, in my mid-twenties, I’ve finally learned to bask in the glory of every moment, even if its something mundane, I can find the silver lining and take a mental snapshot. Remember the movie Elizabethtown? The one with Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom (pretty sure that’s the movie that kickstarted the whole manic pixie dream girl theory), well in the movie, Dunst plays a free spirited flight attendant that teaches Bloom to love again or some bullshit like that. In the movie, Dunst does this thing, whenever she sees a beautiful moment -something she wants to store in her memory -she’ll put her hands to her face, like she’s holding an imaginary camera, and take a mental picture. This kind of always stuck with me, whenever I see something gorgeous happen (whether it be a sunrise, or a kind act of humanity) I try to take a mental picture. I think doing this helps you create a personal photo album in your head of all the greatest moments in your life. You’ll forget some from time to time, but at least when you look back on your life you’ll have a mental album of beautiful memories that make that lonely, nostalgic sensation feel a little better, at least for me it does.

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